I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
