Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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