I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
