i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
