Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You're like the curious george of whores
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
