if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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