Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
