The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
