Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
