Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
