My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
