I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
pray to the hookup gods
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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