she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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