1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
another moral hangover. fuck.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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