Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's Friday. Sex?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
