her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??