i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30