just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...