call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize