Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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