Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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