u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
