Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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