would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
