Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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