Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
