OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
