I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
