my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
