wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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