Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
