you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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