I don't usually arrange sex via text message
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they need to just BURY HIM!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
