my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
