please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
try to milk me bitch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
