Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize