Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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