ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
