best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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