i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
