my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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