I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
