That's when you crack a 10am beer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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