addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
