I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
