my sisters under your porch take her home
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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