just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
