nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
