You're a womanizer and a bitch.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
