I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
