My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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