dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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