Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
