Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
