I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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