It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
