I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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