He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
