I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
