i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
