so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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