It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize