just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
