Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
