6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
