which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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