God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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