I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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