omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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