I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A bitchslap is in order.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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