you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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