is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
