you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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