AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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